


Stay

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Eventual Fluff, Fluff, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2021-01-13 05:22:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21238859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Remus' final Christmas in Hogwarts just had to fall on a full moon. He spends his Christmas Eve wishing a certain someone was by his side.





	Stay

Remus trudged along the deserted hallways, absentmindedly biting his lip as he made his way back to the Gryffindor common room. His tall, lanky frame cast even longer shadows on the cold stone floors and he involuntarily flinched as his eyes landed on the offending moon, perched high up in the night sky and glaring down as if to mock him. 

He averted his gaze and picked up his pace. 

As he turned a corner, his vision blurred momentarily, and he paused to rub his eyes with the back of his arm before continuing on his way. 

He had spent the whole day in the library alone, attempting to clear his homework before Christmas so he would be able to relax proper. It was the first time he was spending Christmas in Hogwarts, although he was already in his final year, and to be honest, it had absolutely _ nothing _ to do with homework or his N.E.W.T.s. 

He had realized that the full moon would fall on Christmas about two months ago, and he had been dreading it ever since. 

_ What a joke _ , he thought, lips pursed. _ My final year in Hogwarts and I can’t even be left alone for Christmas. _

He glanced up reproachfully at the moon once again before heading up the staircase that would lead to the common room. 

Earlier this morning, James and Peter were begrudgingly offering to stay with him here in Hogwarts, but Remus knew what their families were like. Nothing like his. 

He envied them, really. They had warm homes to return to, loving families who would without a doubt be welcoming them with open arms and a huge spread of food after their long journey home. They’d spend Christmas Eve wrapped up in blankets together, he imagined, sprawled on the floor by their fireplace, doing whatever it was that most tight families did. 

_ Not that he’d know. _

He could almost hear their laughter all the way back in Hogwarts. 

Snapping back to reality, he murmured the password to the Fat Lady and stepped over the portrait hole. 

Once in the common room, he stretched his arms up and arched his back to relieve the tension from being seated on a hard wooden chair all day long. He could feel his muscles relaxing, and he sighed contentedly. Well, as contentedly as he could bring himself to feel, anyway. 

His mind drifted off again as he gravitated towards the familiar couch in front of the common room fireplace. A pair of glittering grey eyes followed him for awhile, before disappearing into the shadows. 

Remus knew he shouldn’t be envious. He had found more in Hogwarts than he ever thought he deserved. He had the opportunity to go to school, he had kind and understanding professors, and he had a group of friends who loved him more than his father ever did. After being locked up in a cellar for a good part of his childhood, he was more than grateful to be given a place in Hogwarts where people were watching out for him, and taking care of him. 

He didn’t blame his father. After losing his mother, his father had turned to alcohol, drinking himself into oblivion. 

_ You’re a monster _ , he remembered his father shouting one time too many. _ They should have taken you instead of her. You should’ve died. _

Remus shuddered, his eyelids fluttering close for a few moments as he banished the memories to the back of his mind. 

He shifted so that he was lying across the couch, his head resting against one armrest and his too long legs dangling over the edge of the other. He stared up at the ceiling, listening to the crackling flames a few feet away from him. 

He sighed, glancing wistfully towards the boys’ dorms. James and Peter were one thing, but even Sirius had left this morning. Although his family definitely _ wasn’t _ anything like James’ or Peter’s, the Blacks had traditions to uphold. Grand, lavish parties that he knew Sirius hated. 

He almost smiled, thinking about how Sirius would be dragging his feet, fiddling with his magnificent robes and trying to escape the watchful gaze of his family at every chance he could get. Hiding behind curtains, sneaking behind statues, disappearing down deserted corridors. He hoped at least one of them would enjoy Christmas day. 

Remus felt a pang in his heart and squeezed his eyes shut, trying and failing to banish his feelings for the other boy. 

_ It’s only been one day, it’s too early to miss him, _ he chided himself _ . Get a grip, Remus. _

He almost laughed at the absurdity of it all. He knew how he felt. He knew how strong it was. He was fully aware of his not-so-platonic feelings for Sirius Black. 

He had been aware (_ ha ha _ ) since fourth year ( _ since he was a child, actually, but that’s besides the point _). 

Sirius had been Remus’ first friend in Hogwarts, when nobody bothered to. Sure, James and Peter had been civil with him, but they didn’t _ care _. Not back then. Only Sirius had noticed his monthly disappearances. Only Sirius had heard his uneven breathing and choked sobs in the middle of the nights. Only Sirius had picked up on the scars that littered Remus’ body, try as he might to cover them up. 

He still remembered the day he and Sirius had became friends. 

_ “What do you mean nothing?” Sirius whirled around, glaring at Remus who was seated cross legged on his four poster, staring defiantly back at the raven haired boy. _

_ “This _ isn’t _ nothing! Don’t you think I’ve noticed that you’re in pain? I might not know your story, but–“ He paused mid-tirade. Remus furrowed his brows as he noticed Sirius’ sharp intake of breath, and a mutter so quiet he wouldn’t have picked up on it had he not his werewolf senses. “But I know how it feels to have scars too.” _

_ Remus felt his heart still for a moment. Sirius’ lifted his eyes to meet Remus’, before quickly glancing back down to the floor. _

_ “Sirius...” Remus started, then paused again, not knowing what to say. He knew that Sirius knew. He noticed the special treatment. The extra slices of bacon at breakfast piled onto his plate when he least expected it, the chocolate stolen from the kitchens and pushed into his hands when he struggled to keep his eyes open in classes after the full moon, the quiet struggle between the two boys as Sirius insisted on carrying Remus’ bags whenever he looked ready to collapse under his own weight. _

_ Remus _ knew _ . _

_ And maybe it was out of gratitude for Sirius’ acts of kindness, or out of the desire for a friend after being alone for so many years, or something else he couldn’t quite place a finger on, that he acknowledged Sirius as his first ever friend. _

He didn’t actually tell Sirius, or James or Peter for that matter, about his furry little problem until midway through second year. Or, rather, it was Sirius who pieced the puzzle together by himself. 

Regardless, it was that particular night in their dorm, that Remus had realized he actually meant something to someone else. 

He hadn’t just been a burden, or a weird loner freak. Someone cared for him, truly, clueless as he had been to Remus’ situation. 

Perhaps, the irony of caring for Sirius despite him not knowing _ his _ situation was what cemented their friendship so deeply. 

Upon learning of Sirius’ family background, Remus took every chance he could during the holidays to owl him, and making him promise to owl back, just to make sure he was okay. 

Every 1st of September, his eyes would be scanning the platform for his friend before anything else. Through the masses he wouldn’t relent until he met those silvery-grey eyes he found himself staring into way too often. He would weave through the crowd, meeting Sirius halfway before clutching him in a tight embrace, whispering in his ear, “You alright?” And Sirius would always nod back, “Now that you’re here.”

And somewhere along the way, Remus found himself falling for his best friend. 

Remus‘ vision was blurring a little. Bringing his hand up to wipe at his eyes, he realized just how much he didn’t want to be alone this Christmas. 

But it was too late; everyone had left by then and there was no way he’d be able to make the journey back home in one piece, what with his body already painfully preparing for the transformation the next day. 

It would be his first transformation without Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail in a long, long time.

Hit by a sudden wave of raw emotion, Remus curled up into a ball on the couch and let the tears fall, not realizing when he fell asleep. 

~

Remus thought he felt something warm against his cheek. Frowning slightly, he stretched his legs and wiggled his toes in his half-asleep state. As he let out a soft moan from how good that felt, the warm thing against his face stopped abruptly. 

He heard a small gasp and he suddenly felt the absence of warmth against his cheek. 

Fluttering his eyes open, he blinked a few times, partly to focus his vision and partly to make sure he wasn’t still dreaming. 

He was gazing into almond eyes, pools of grey speckled ever so slightly with a warm orange from the fire not a few feet away from them. 

He couldn’t tear his eyes away, though he knew he had been staring way too long for just platonic friends. 

The stormy eyes flickered down, and Remus noticed the other boy’s cheeks reddening at an alarming rate. When they rose to meet his again, all common sense left him. The only thought left in his head was _ I’d drown in these stormy seas forever if I could _. 

He barely even registered the shock of Sirius being right here in Hogwarts instead of at Grimmauld Place. 

Licking his lips uncertainly, he murmured out a soft “hey” at Sirius, who was still leaning over him, frozen in place. 

Even as dumbfounded as Sirius seemed to be, he was still_ so beautiful _ . His raven hair was pulled up in a messy bun, and several wisps came loose to frame his tanned face gently. A contrast against his sharp features. High cheekbones and a jawline that could cut ( _ anything except the sexual tension between the two, apparently _), Sirius looked the part of a pureblood aristocrat perfectly, if not for his eyes which reflected nothing but warmth and mischief in them. 

His adam’s apple bobbed up and down nervously, and his eyes roamed over Remus’ face for a few moments as though to commit every detail to memory, before his lips curved up in the tiniest of smiles. 

“Hey, yourself,” His voice was almost inaudible. “Surprised?”

“As a matter of fact, I am,” Remus caught his lip between his teeth as his brows furrowed. “Don’t you have some fancy party to be at?”

Sirius stayed silent for a few heartbeats, before lifting one shoulder up in a casual shrug and smiling softly at Remus. 

“More reasons to stay here.”

Remus was sure Sirius could hear how loudly his heart was thumping against his chest. _ Could he...? _

_ No _ , Remus reminded himself. _ There’s no way he would think of me that way. Not when he could have anybody in the world. Not when he deserved the world. _

As if noticing his internal debate, Sirius placed his hand on Remus’ shoulder, comfortingly drawing slow circles with his thumb. “Didn’t think I’d forget the full moon, did you?”

Face heating up, Remus muttered something incomprehensible. 

“... What’s that?”

“I thought you’d have your familial obligations... I thought I’d be alone.”

Hesitantly, amber met grey once again. 

“Moons, you’re _ so _ much more important than that. I’d never leave you alone.”

In that moment, Remus forgot how to breathe.

Widened eyes watched as Sirius’ delicate hand with long, slender fingers combed through thick and luscious locks, fervently trying to push the stray strands out of his face but instead messing up his hair even more. 

The stormy seas were back again, a war seemingly raging within the depths of grey. Sirius opened and closed his mouth a few times, before groaning and lowering himself to sit on the floor, burying his face in his hands. 

“Pads, tell me what’s wrong,” Remus gulped. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, no, yeah,” Sirius fumbled. “I don’t know.”

Shifting such that he was propped up on his side, using his elbow to support his weight, Remus’ other hand tentatively reached out to pry Sirius’ fingers away from his face. 

If he thought that Sirius was having an internal war earlier, he was having a full blown one by that point. His breathing was erratic, whispering to himself things in French that Remus couldn’t understand. 

They were almost forehead to forehead now, and if Sirius tilted his face up, they’d be able to...

“Can I kiss you?”

“Wait, what?” Remus choked out. 

Taking Remus’ response as rejection, Sirius recoiled, scrambling back quickly, back towards the fireplace. 

“No, nevermind, forget I said anything, I’m so sorry–“

“_ Pads _.”

Sirius froze, but didn’t look up. 

Remus gently lowered himself off the couch and kneeled in front of Sirius. The brilliant orange flames behind gave him a warm glow which made Remus’ breath hitch. His heart felt like it was about to leap out of his chest. 

His trembling right hand went to Sirius’ face, thumb and forefinger tilting his chin up to look directly at Remus, the left hand carding through the strands concealing his eyes. 

He tucked the loose strands behind the other boy’s ear and cupped the back of his neck, leaning in. 

“I would like nothing more.”

And he closed the distance. 

Their kiss was sweet and tender, full of years of want and forbidden feelings. The feeling of Sirius’ lips masked the pounding of Remus’ heart into a dull thudding and his head swam with incoherent thoughts. _ God he tasted so good _. He felt like he could die in peace now. 

Very out of breath, they pulled away a few moments later, foreheads and tips of their noses touching. Remus was glad to see that the kiss had the same effect on Sirius. The latter’s eyes were glassy, quite unfocused, and his lips were parted and slightly red. His cheeks were flushed an adorable shade of pink and Remus’ heart skipped a beat. _ He _ did this to Sirius. 

His face broke into a grin. 

Finally, Sirius’ eyes met his. 

“You...?” Sirius trailed off, gesturing weakly between themselves. 

“It was only ever you, Pads,” Remus suddenly felt shy. He didn’t think he’d ever have to confess his feelings for Sirius, and despite their kiss, he didn’t know what to expect. 

“I’ve liked, no, _ loved _ you since fourth year. You’re my best friend, and you’re so kind and funny, and sometimes you’re a real pain in the arse but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I just never told you because I thought you deserved better than someone... someone like me.”

“Wait, no, no no no. Moons, don’t _ ever _ say that about yourself again,” Sirius seemed to have regained his ability to speak, and his words tumbled out of his mouth. “You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met, I’ve loved you ever since I found out about your lycanthrophy and I realized I wanted to take care of you and protect you because you don’t deserve to hurt like you do. You deserve the world. And I’ll be damned if I don’t show you just how much you’re worth. I know I’m not perfect, I’ve gotten us into trouble more times than I can count, I have a rotten family and a rotten history, but I’ll show you, Re, I’ll show you how much I love you, if you give me the chance...”

Sirius ran out of breath at that. Taking in a shuddering breath, he opened his mouth again. “... Okay?”

Remus bit his lip to prevent himself from grinning like an idiot. 

“Okay.”

Letting out a huge sigh of relief he didn’t even realize he was holding, Sirius raked his fingers through his hair once again, and grinned back at Remus. 

He promptly stood up, extending a hand to Remus, who took it. 

“Come on, I want to show you something.”

Leading him to their dorm, Sirius paused outside the door. Before he even had the chance to say anything, Remus interjected. 

“Sirius Orion Black, if you’re going to do what I think you’re going to do...”

“... What? What do you think I’m going to do?” Sirius quirked an eyebrow. 

Remus felt his face heat up again. His eyes flickered down before hastening back up to meet Sirius’. 

Realization hit Sirius and a smirk formed on his face. His eyes roamed down, taking Remus’ body in inch by inch, causing him to fidget in embarrassment. “Believe it or not, I wasn’t actually going to, but since you suggested it... Is that a wand in your pocket, or are you just _ really _ happy to see me?”

“Are you serious?” Remus deadpanned. 

“You bet I am,” Sirius’ shit-eating grin was too much for Remus to bear. He smacked the other boy upside the head, but couldn’t help laughing along. 

“I’m just teasing you,” Sirius said with a soft smile. “Come on.”

The door creaked as Sirius pushed it open. Fingers interlacing with Remus’, he tugged him into their dorm. 

Remus’ eyes widened in disbelief. 

The ceiling showed a starry sky, not unlike the great hall’s. Of course, the constellation Sirius was named after hung high in the sky, glowing brighter than any of the others. Remus could occasionally see a shooting star. 

The dorm was glowing a warm amber, with fairy lights draped over their four poster beds. A small Christmas tree stood proudly in a corner of the room, decorated beautifully by the hands of a true artist. A silver coloured star was perched on the top of the tree. The room smelled of vanilla (_ though Sirius was anything but _), and Remus located the candles on each of their bedside tables. Around them, snow was falling, disappearing once it hit the floor. 

It was one of the most magical things Remus had ever experienced. 

Remus glanced over at Sirius, who was admiring his handiwork. He watched as a smile spread across his best friend’s face, and decided that _ that _ was even more magical. He saw as Sirius looked up at the night sky and loved how the stars were reflected in his eyes. 

“You like it?” Sirius looked back at him nervously. “I just thought I’d do something nice for you so you could enjoy Christmas before the full moon...”

“I love it. God damn it Pads, I love _ you _.”


End file.
